Dear Annie: Itâs been 3 years since Iâve had contact with my son

Dear Annie: I am mom to an only child, “Justin,” who is now 30. We have always been close. A few years ago, Justin met a girl: “Lily.” This girl is very jealous and also anti-social. I did my best to try to get to know Lily, but she was resistant.

She began to keep Justin away from friends and family. They soon moved a few hundred miles away to be close to her mom. Justin began to tell me not to call him because he needed time with Lily. Lily then became sick with a series of undiagnosed conditions. Then, out of the blue, Justin cut off all communication with me, his dad and all of the family.

The only “explanation” he had for this was “you know what you did.” I don’t know what he possibly could be referring to. It’s now been three years since I’ve had any contact with my only son. I have come to believe that Lily told Justin that I said or did something in order to keep him isolated. I hate the thought that he believes I did something so hurtful that he doesn’t want to speak to me. He’s an adult, but he’s also my son. I tried to just show up at his home, but he wouldn’t come to the door. I am at a loss. What else can I do? — Lost Son

Dear Lost Son: Your son is in a toxic relationship, and it sounds like Lily might even have a personality disorder. It’s very hard to get through to someone in a relationship like this; the best you can do is let Justin know that you love him and you are there for him. Offer yourself as a safe space for him. Hopefully he will come to realize that Lily is not a positive force in his life, but he will have to arrive at that conclusion on his own.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].